these past few days i've been just sitting, reading, walking around, and talking and caring for my mommy. she's recovering now from a surgery she underwent yesterday, just feminine issues that are well taken care of now.
i've been here, and alongside my family i've given my all to making her time here comforting and stress-free. on the upside, i've witnessed so much at a hospital scene, and particularly in the summer time there's a lot of factors into what surrounds me:
green, blooming courtyard and rooftop gardens
blue skies, drying dusty hills and Mt. Diablo in full view
lots of people out
fish. beautiful tropical, color-changing and unicorn-esque fish.
and of course, i can't forget the emotions. from the experience, especially from the beginning, when the procedure hadn't happened yet and i spent two hours in a cold but wide-windowed waiting room with my sister just thinking and hoping the best in the next few hours for my mom. i was worried for how my dad would be feeling, too. at times, it even felt like i wasn't thinking anything, just sitting and watching and interacting with my family but just not thinking anything substantial. too much going on? maybe it was just feeling too much? i think so. not to say a roller coaster ride, but more like a steady track.
i'm overwhelmed every day here though, because of what i do see that's starting to stimulate better, calming, and assuring feelings. talking and making my mom laugh, faces of relatives, letting the light in through the blinds in the morning, the music box lullaby that sounds through the hospital to signal the arrival of a new-born baby. she's asleep now, my mom, and my dad's just flipping channels on the umcomfortably-stacked flat screen in the room. it's all probably nothing, and i'm not trying to make it a dramatic event in my life or worrying more than i should over my mom's surgery-- but it has shown me things. just things, simple little things that matter a big deal to me about my life and where things could take me.
it's gotten me back into wanting to write, for sure. i wrote this yesterday:
"Two old New Yorkers and a flimsy plastic bag of pecans later, they joined Beth there in the cold room."
yes, i have a story in mind. about these hospital things and family things and the stereotypical life things. i will continue this soon. there's a summer of possibilities ahead of me, starting with my mom coming home tomorrow after noon :)